Fireflies

I never knew there were
fireflies in the New York City
Until one night
A flicker of light
On a dark street
In Queens
The shadows from the trees
Masking the tall lamps above

I walked quickly all those years
My eyes on the concrete
My ears on my footfalls
Aware of anyone behind me and
Ahead
Too scared to look left or right
To catch that glimpse of light
From an unassuming
Black fly

I saw them in clusters
Darting in circles
Bright yellow bursting open and fading
I stood still in the street
Tried to take a picture with
My phone
Could not time it well
And got only darkness
A picture unsaved -
Elusive insect biochemically lit
From within
While artificial bulb squares
Serve as backdrop
Brick buildings and curbs,
Nature obscured
By the city.

-GSS 2009

Breaking

If I take all of our communications
Bottle them up and
Try to make them work
I get one message:
You do not deserve me

You do not deserve me because
I am honorable
I can see the shades of gray
I am honest
I am living life two steps ahead of you
I have seen the color and the shadow
I cannot forget your hands on me
Despite your indecision

The purple in the sky looks like bruises
I am reminded of all you said
Those short missives
Those midnight impulses
Your pictures
Your body
Broken up into segments
Broken down into small, easily digestible
Portions

I can look at you whenever I want to
Through the static and pixels but
You don't blink and you don't move
The silence is disconcerting
As it has been
Since the day I left

I want you more than I want many things
Your complicated situation aside
The box was not small enough to contain us
But I should have walked away
You have your decisions to make
Your emotions to swallow
And where does that leave me -
Inside and outside
Up and down
Waiting on your infrequent words

I am mixed up and unaware of
Where you are
Where you have been
What you have said or
Have not said
Where your hands are, your fingers
Where your lips are, your breath
Whether she can hear your heart beat
Or not
I want to hear your low voice
Your laughter
See your eyes shine just for me
I want your fingers in my
I want your tongue on my
I want your face
Your ears
Your hair

This waiting is impossible but
I am resigned to it
A challenge
A growing
Breaking free of past patterns
Help me out of this wondering
Help me see through you
I can see right through you.

-GSS 2009

Storm

We take turns wading into the storm.

I stand under scaffolding on 76th street
Waiting for a break in the rain,
Waiting for my turn to step out
Into the wet street,
Submerge my feet in the small
Rushing river at the curb,
Where asphalt meets concrete
Where gutter drains overflow and
Broken umbrellas rest,
Sodden and forgotten.

There is a woman running in
Bright red heels and a jogger
Oblivious to the downpour.
A man smoking a cigarette next to me,
Observing, as I am, the city, the torrent,
The streams in the cracks in the sidewalk.

I am watching the crowds but
I don't see their faces.
I am thinking of you,
Thinking of glaciers and mountains
Birds and bicycles
Your hand in mine while we drive,
Your voice and your eyes.

I am thinking that one month from today
I will see you again.
I will leave the city and escape,
The rain will fade into the background,
The only sound, the only presence,
The two of us.

I am ready to plunge into the storm,
Ready to run in my open-toed shoes
Slipping and sliding, skin on leather
But I really want to run to you.

We take our turns in the silence
And it doesn't matter,
City or country, trees or smokestacks,
We are the same -
Waiting to step off an edge,
To dive head-first
To break the suspense and fall
Fall into openness, the unknown
Fall into each other while the clouds
Color the sky black
The moon overtakes us and shines its white light
Illuminates us, breaks us open
Joins us
Until we are one.

-GSS 2009

Bird Watching

The sun is strong and plays its tricks well.
Reflections in the snow burn me,
Turn me red, inside out.

Twilight comes late and the
Temperature changes us.
Birds alight on the mud flats while
The tide rolls away.

I hold my camera steady.
There may be a photograph,
There may be beauty,
But their wings soon spread.

By day we are seagulls,
Plain and simple.
White, gray and yellow streaks in the sky.
By night we let our flights take us
Further afield.

Dusk descends and the truth
Sits calmly -
We are thought, feeling and ink,
More than two, more than one,
Flying forward.

--GSS 2009

The Night We Sang

The night we sang karaoke
On Fulton Street
Walked over the Brooklyn Bridge
Saw the city shining before midnight
Held hands in the subway while
You made me promise
Never to lie
I told you I don't roll that way
Knew I was falling in love
When we returned to Harlem
Together
Under falling snow.

Skyline

The city feels different tonight,
No longer our city,
Our skyline,
Our Brooklyn Bridge.
People are shadows on the streets,
Faceless, passive figures walking slowly.

You left me in the morning and
The suddenness of it took the color from my sight,
The storefronts of Astoria went black.
Our time in your car in Rockaway,
The milkshake in the diner,
The drive back through Brooklyn,
All of it, over and done.

There are parts of the city I can't return to.
The West Village, the Lower East Side,
Especially East Harlem, where we
Walked through snow on Three Kings Day.
The people were faceless, then, because
We could only see each other.

You kept me awake until dawn
Just so you could show me the sunrise
Over Harlem,
Walked me home and tucked me in
So we could sleep 'til noon.
We danced that night in Brooklyn
In a crowded room that seemed so empty,
You inspired me to write after
You said you were falling in love.

I should have known it was too good to be true.
You walked out of my life as quickly as
You entered, left me reeling in your wake.

The city looks different tonight.
I see it with the eyes of one who has been
Left behind.
We had so much to explore,
Unseen streets, untasted food,
Things I wanted to share with you,
Pieces of my city.

The memory of you remains,
Your sensuality and passion.
You were everything I wanted and
I thought I was that for you.
The city is dark tonight,
But I know it won't be that way forever.
The lights and colors will return one day,
The faces of the people,
The flowers in bloom,
The smell of bagels and knishes.
Everything that reminds me of home,
Nothing that reminds me of you.

-GSS 2009

Guernica

A Pablo Picasso
Wannabe
Spray-painted
His interpretation
of "Guernica"
On the
Red brick wall
Down the block
From your place.

You pointed out
This masterpiece
Without fail
Each time we
Passed it by.

-GSS 2009